I love black thongs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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