He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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