Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
