you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
