Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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