yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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