I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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