i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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