Sponge bath it is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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