remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
