So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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