Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
