Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
