He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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