guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
