you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
