I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
