what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
