some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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