can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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