everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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