Having a random hookup so left but love u
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
