i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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