I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
