I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
