alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
