i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
