I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
