So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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