It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
