I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
