White coat. Heels.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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