Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
