woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
