and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
