brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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