put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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