Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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