Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she peed on how many people?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
