I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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