so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just google imaged poop.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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