And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize