I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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