I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
