This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
