So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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