i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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