Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He shit in the fireplace
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
