I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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