when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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