Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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