someone threw a dead crab at me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have post one night stand depression
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