If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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