it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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