i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
