There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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