my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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