it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
