They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
