i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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