i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
