How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize