no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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