Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think people are normalizing furries
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize